What’s My Niche?
Along this Life Coaching journey, I have heard many times that when trying to have a career as a Life Coach, that you need to specify a niche. Fine. What are my eventful Life experiences where I could have used a Life Coach and is there a common thread running through them?
(This analysis has been brought to you by, who I like to call, “IT Mike”; he’s the laser-focused analyst who looks at the hard data without any of the, what I like to call, humour or humanity. Think of Sheldon Cooper in the earlier seasons of The Big Bang Theory.)
So, if you have already read through the “About Me” page on my website, this will be familiar:
I changed career in my fifties - going from a programmer-analyst in IT to becoming a Life Coach. I had ignored my gut feeling for a long time…the one that was trying to tell me that I was unhappy and needed a change. But change is scary and I convinced myself that I should be grateful for having a job that paid well etc. Also, I convinced myself that I was too old to change career; I started having these conversations with myself in my 40s.
It took me burning out and having my job position becoming redundant for me to finally take the time to address my ignored gut feeling. I don’t recommend hitting rock bottom (i.e. burning out) before taking action. But, if you have also reached the same stage as I did, I recommend being gentle with yourself. You didn’t know. You probably did try, but may not have had the know-how to adapt and adjust and pivot and find your way through this period of uncertainty. And that is okay! You are here now. You can’t change the past; replaying “what-if scenarios” won’t change where you are now. You are reading this. Maybe it’s time to take the time to address that feeling in your gut and start changing your future! [Transitioning from one job/career to a new job/career.]
I grew up in the 1970’s and 1980’s. I knew from a very young age that I was different (i.e. gay) and I could sense that it was not “okay” to be this kind of different. Societal tolerance of gay people was low or non-existent back then, compared to now, at least here in Canada. knock on wood
For the longest time, I kept to myself a lot and focused on my studies and watching TV. It didn’t help that my parents didn’t trust anyone and were quite over-protective. (I am not here to paint my parents as villains; I am truly grateful for all of the sacrifices that they made for me and my siblings. I am just calling it as I see it. They did what they could with what they knew.) I built up walls around myself so no one could get in. It was partly so I would not get “found out”; it was also partly so I didn’t get attached to anyone and be devastated if I did get found out and then cast away. (And , in hindsight, that was the start of my catastrophizing everything. But I digress…) So basically, when I was in school including university, all of my time and energy went into my studies.
When I started working, was when I started exploring my authentic self. I was fortunate to run into a former classmate which led me to a local gay men’s discussion group that would meet weekly and talk about various topics. That became my first sense of belonging to a tribe, where I could finally be at ease and be myself, where I didn’t need to hide this part of me. That led to finding “my people” and starting to socialize and become more “me”. At work, I would still be private about my personal life. But there came a point where I was tired of having to hide any part of me. Eventually and gradually, I started coming out to my colleagues and everyone was lovely and supportive.
Time jump to today where I have been with my partner for over 20 years now, I am out to all of my family and friends, and I could not be happier. All this to say, and I could have said so much more, that I understand how it feels to not be able to safely be your true self, for whatever reason, and to be at a point in your life where you want to look into possibly moving towards living with more authenticity. I understand the uncertainty, the fear, the limiting beliefs that may be blocking you from figuring this all out. I can help you, by partnering with you, by creating a safe and judgement-free space for you to relax enough to explore the possibilities that could help you become your own person and show up authentically. [Transitioning from living a life pretending to living a life authentically.]
I grew up in Canada with a big family. Both of my parents are/were from China. We were raised in a stereotypical home where the emphasis was on not getting into trouble, and doing well in school so we could get a good job as an adult. They were risk averse so the message was to go after the job that would pay well and make lots of money.
When I was young, I would go with my mom on Sundays to church. I didn’t understand Chinese (yes, I’m a bad son!) so I didn’t understand most of what the priest was saying, although “Amen” is global. I would try to sit still, which I never could. After the service, my mom would run into people she knew and would show me off like a Prize Pig; “oh, he’s growing up better looking than my fat son!” “is he doing well in school? he’s such a good son!” etc. I didn’t like that, but never said anything. The message I landed on was: Appearances were very important. I remember getting a trophy at the church for my school grades. After I received it and walked back to my mother, she said, “Next time, get the bigger one (trophy)”. Way to ruin the moment, mom! Not that the trophy meant anything for me; I was there for my mom, but c’mon! Never any encouraging words. Never anything positive to say. But, I perfected the poker face and kept everything in. I understand that was probably how my parents were raised, so they could only do what they knew. But, as a child, I unknowingly developed habits and beliefs that I wound up converting into truths and facts into adulthood. “Don’t cause trouble” meant stay quiet and unnoticed meaning your voice and opinion are not valued. Never getting praised meant nothing I do is worthwhile or of value. Because I didn’t value myself, I relied on everyone else’s opinion to know if I or what I was doing had any value. This is probably why I burned out at work: I didn’t trust myself or my instincts and was afraid of making a mistake… because not being perfect was bad…I’m useless…and then it just spiraled. But, I was not aware of this at the time.
By having a lot of peer coaching sessions and doing a lot of introspection, I understand now how worthy I am; I am allowed to be happy and to just be me. My worthiness is not based on what I do, my job title, nor my salary. If I don’t value myself, I will never be happy no matter my accomplishments. If I don’t untangle the beliefs and habits that I latched onto, that are stopping me from thriving, I will never feel fulfilled. [Transitioning from living a life lacking self-awareness to living a life with awareness and intention.]
So that was a long of jibber-jabber to say that my Life Coaching niche is a Transitional Life Coach, where I can help you navigate through Life’s Transitions like a Career Change or heading into Retirement. I can also help you navigate through Identity Transitions, where you can learn to embrace and celebrate your authenticity. To see that you are enough and your uniqueness can be your superpower. To become aware of limiting beliefs that prevent you living fully and experiencing life on your own terms.
I look forward to being your Life Coach; the Life Coach that I wish I had available to me when I was going through moments of transition.
